Lessons Learned as a Stay-at-home Mom

After being home with Molly for almost 4 months, I have yet to get the "swing" of things.  Before my transition from being a full-time working mom to a work-at-home mom, I was so excited by the idea of everything that I would now be able to do that I wasn't able to do working full-time.  I was so ready to take on every household duty, every mommy and me class, cook amazing dinners, save us money, spend more time with friends/family and all while bringing home some bacon from my at-home-business.  Well I was surely hit with a BIG reality check about two months in.  They say the grass isn't always greener on the other side.  I will admit, I did expect the grass to be greener, but in reality the grass was just as green (NOT that I'm complaining - I just think it's important to point that out.) Being a working mom and a stay-at-home mom have equal challenges and rewards.  I have never, nor will I ever, think one mom has it easier than the other or has more time than the other. 

My first full month of being home with Molly was in December - and naturally that was a very exciting month with the Holidays right around the corner.  December was a month filled with Christmas errands, baking, family events and just "winging" it.  Life was great - and it seemed like the decision to stay home with Molly was surely one that was more spectacular than I ever thought it would be.  WELL - then January came, and about 10 snow storms following.  To say that I have/had the winter blues is the understatement of the century.  Like majority of my friends and family, to give this winter season the satisfcation of being put in the same title as the color "blue" (the blue of which we wished for in the sky and the color of the warm water we would rather be swimming in) is in itself WRONG.  I think we need to change it to the winter BLACKS!  Anyways, back to reality....

Needless to say my dreams of doing it all were crushed in a matter of days after the holiday-high was over.  I slowly started to realize being a stay-at-home/work-at-home mom takes A LOT of dedication, motivation and positive thinking (much like continuing a blog, or anything else in life for that matter) After chatting with a couple of my closest girlfriends - I realized, I do not want to, nor do I need to DO-IT-ALL.  By having this strong desire or obsession with feeling like you have to do-it-all, I find that you jeopardize the time you spend with your child(ren), the time you spend with your spouse/friends/family and one very very important thing you jeopardize is the time you spend taking care of YOU.  It's easy as a stay-at-home mom to feel like you've lost your identity, but it doesn't have to be that way - you just have to remember what your priorities are.  For me it all comes down to this (I feel even adults without young children,or those who work full-time could find this helpful) -

1. Take care of yourself FIRST! (Just like on the airplane, you have to put your oxygen mask on before you can assist others) - Find what makes YOU feel the best.  For me it's a long shower and doing my hair/makeup.  Others it may be exercising before your spouse leaves for work or sitting at the kitchen table drinking your coffee in silence before the day starts.
2. Take care of your child(ren). This doesn't mean cleaning the entire house so that your child has the perfect place to play.  It means do something with them every day.  Whether its going for a walk, playing with side-walk chalk, making cookies, etc. - do one thing a day that you don't do every other day. For me, the more we can get outside the better.
3. Take care of your relationship with your spouse. Simply said - all that someone needs in a given day is a friendly smile, "hello" or "how was your day?" - Even on those long days of staying home with Molly, I know that Ryan could've had just as long of a day. I make it a point every day to just stop and text him "I love you" or tell him to relax when he gets home (not always, but if I've had a good day, then why shouldn't he take a break haha)
4. Check in with a friend or family member. - I do this EVERY DAY.  It could be a quick text or an hour long conversation during Molly's nap, but it makes me feel like I am still connected to the outside world.  For awhile I was feeling very alone staying home, but I make it a point to chat with an ADULT (other than Ryan) every day and to at least set-up one play-date a week for Molly where she can have the same interaction with her friends. If you're a stay-at-home mom in a new area, check out your local MOMS club - they have regular events, play-dates, moms night-out events, etc. www.momsclub.org
5. Do something for you. - Get a hobby.  I know sometimes that sounds rude - but it's true, get one.  This gives you a connection to something outside of home/work that is truly something you want to do. For me it's blogging, Stella & Dot (luckily this one pays) and making it a point to have moms-night-out more frequently.
6. LASTLY house work - My theory, do the basics every day (make the bed, dishes and a load of laundry)  - the rest I will get to when I have a big chunk of time during the week to just get it all done. :)

I know this was a super long post - but it was something that I felt like I've been chatting with my mommy friends a lot lately - so I thought I would share.

Happy reading.

- A